Apologizing: The ultimate relationship builder.

I am only human. Because of this, I am also at fault for harboring feelings occasionally.

I don’t often get offended or hurt, but I can’t entirely avoid it. No one can.

That being said, my feelings are quick to turn around after receiving a sincere apology.

Just like anything else, performing the harder task will produce the most results. It’s not easy to apologize, but it’s powerful and effective.

I have also been on the other side, where I was clearly in the wrong and needed to offer an apology. Thankfully, they have all been well received.

I have noticed that my relationships with others have only increased after giving or receiving an apology. It poses an opportunity for both sides to open up and clearly communicate. Some of my strongest relationships are with those where the most sincere apologies were offered.

As you can imagine, this form of communication is just as effective in the office as it is in your personal life.

Why is it so difficult to apologize?

When someone says the wrong thing to you, it’s likely that you aren’t capable of immediately brushing it off. Instead, you may think about their words for days on end. This weight isn’t healthy to carry.

It’s also likely that others are carrying this weight from something that you said to them. This may even be unbeknownst to you.

We all know the best solution is to offer an apology and build a stronger relationship, but why is this always put off for so long? We often ignore the problem until it becomes an even bigger problem.

Although the reasons for our delay in apologizing may vary, there are certainly common themes.

Pride → Admitting that you’ve done something wrong can be very difficult. Most people aren’t capable of admitting their faults or weaknesses, however, this is a noble quality to have.

Control → When apologizing, a person may feel as though they are losing a sense of control in the situation. Yes, this is uncomfortable. However, apologizing places someone in complete control.

Lack of empathy → I find that those who apologize the least are often lacking empathy. Empathy is a trait needed by influential leaders. Without this, they cannot lead or build relationships effectively.

Magnitude gap → This is in reference to the difference in perspective by both parties involved. Although one person may feel the severity of the situation is high, the other may be completely ignorant.

Although this can be common in a simple relationship, it is especially common in the workplace. I tend to notice that it is harder for executives or upper management to apologize than middle managers or peers.

This forms a negative wedge between levels of management.

Take ownership and lead effectively.

When was the last time your manager apologized to you?

When was the last time you apologized to a peer or an employee?

If you can’t recall a recent occasion, we may have a problem.

Apologizing can increase the level of accountability and effectiveness of a manager. It will also lead to more genuine relationships with employees and teammates.

Let’s be real, nobody has life figured out. For that reason, people make mistakes all the time. I don’t care how long you’ve been in your role, that doesn’t mean you are perfect. You too, have things worth apologizing for. If you think hard enough, you may identify others who are waiting for your apology.

It is critical for corporate leaders to exercise the art of apologizing. As you can imagine, there are a myriad of benefits to doing so.

Trust and respect → Apologizing demonstrates humility and accountability, which are crucial for earning trust and respect from employees, colleagues, and stakeholders. This humanizes the executive and shows that they value integrity over ego.

Enhanced leadership credibility → Leaders who apologize when they are wrong or when mistakes happen are seen as more credible and authentic. This strengthens their leadership effectiveness because team members are more likely to follow someone they trust and perceive as fair.

Promoting a culture of accountability → When executives apologize, it sets a positive example for the entire organization. It encourages others to take responsibility for their actions and fosters a culture where people are not afraid to admit mistakes and learn from them.

Mitigate damage and resolve conflicts → Prompt apologies can prevent minor issues from escalating into larger conflicts or crises. They can also help in mitigating damage to reputations by addressing concerns transparently and promptly.

In essence, leaders who are humble enough to take ownership and responsibility for their actions will have the most effect on their teams. They will also ensure that their employees practice the art of apologizing.

Building the habit.

No, it’s not easy. Yes, apologizing is essential.

I challenge you to do two things:

1) Ponder others in your personal life who may deserve an apology for you. Although you may think that it is too late, you may be surprised at how much damage can still be repaired. Just ensure you are genuine and not forcing an apology.

2) Create a safe environment to apologize to others in your workplace. If you have the luxury of reserving a conference room, please do so. If your teammates are remote, schedule a virtual call. Do all you can to voice your apology and ensure that the recipient understands your authenticity.

Perhaps the easiest way to start it with a close friend is by apologizing for something minor. Regardless, starting is what is important.

Remember, someone may be carrying weight on their shoulders because of something YOU said. Try to make amends. You’ll be surprised at how fruitful this can be.